.png)
Written by: Olga Sawczuk (she/her)
We are in New York City, the heart of all that is new and progressive. The city that never sleeps, even though apparently everyone sleeps with everyone. And somewhere in its heart, on the Upper East Side to be precise, there’s Carrie Bradshaw. Unfortunately, not-so-modern Carrie has some outdated opinions about sexuality. She doesn’t believe in bisexuality and moreover promotes biphobia. Yes, the same Carrie whose best friend is fabulously homosexual Stanford, and the one who writes ‘the sex column’ for the New York Star.
Our dear Carrie is the ‘it-girl’ of her generation. She’s a single, independent, working woman in her 30s. She’s also the symbol of capitalism... but let’s leave that for another time. Her ‘modern’ point of view was revolutionary for American television when the show first aired in 1998. However, when we consider Carrie through the lens of 21st century standards, she’s far from perfect.
Just before I hear counterarguments: YES, I am aware that this show was filmed 20 years ago - a different time with different standards. I absolutely love the 90s nostalgia, but it doesn’t change the fact that we need to acknowledge its flaws. Watch what you want, enjoy 90s shows, but remain a critical thinker and face the harsh truth:
Carrie shouldn’t be your role model.
In episode 4 of season 3, Carrie dates this twenty-something guy Sean, her own Fair Youth. He’s smart, funny and sweet. And of course, he’s a great kisser and the sex is amazing. But it all starts to crumble when Carrie discovers that he is in fact... bisexual. Yes folks! We’ve opened the Pandora Box.
Carrie is perplexed. Bisexuality is halfway to Gaytown, is it not? In a true Sex and The City fashion, she spills the tea during a brunch with her 3 besties Samantha (who believes that sex and sexual preferences should be as diverse as possible), Charlotte (who believes that the world is black and white or rather straight and gay) and Miranda (who although is my favourite character, has probably the worst approach out of all of them, and yet in the Just Like That sequel she is the one to date a non-binary person… oh the irony!).
When Carrie tells her friends about her ‘problem’, about her doubts, the main one being “Isn’t he simply gay?”, Miranda finds one simple solution: that’s just greedy! He dates both, so you shouldn’t date him.
The brunch ends, and Carries meets her bisexual boy again. And then the biphobia gets its own screen time: to be precise, a whole 5 minutes of it. Carrie inquires whether Sean prefers men or women, who kisses better, which gender is more attractive for him. Her interview screams: JUST CHOOSE ONE! All because she doesn’t know how to wrap her head around it.
Oh how impressed I am with Sean! Not only is he cute, but he’s also patient, and explains to this 30-something girl that being bisexual doesn’t mean that he prefers one or another. He is attracted to both. All the things that she should know, right? He says that he’s not greedy, he’s only interested in her, and thus he doesn’t care about anyone else, be it a girl or a boy. After all the world does not revolve around sex and being bisexual is not his main personality trait.
Just like any other subplot character, Sean leaves Carrie’s life at the end of the episode, after a spin-the-bottle game during which Carrie kisses a woman. Being a “sex-positive” and yet hyper straight writer, she decides she’s too old for all of that.
What’s the lesson for all of us? 90s shows remain one of the funniest and greatest methods to disconnect from the world. They also remain perfect examples of surface-level modern approaches and deeply rooted queerphobia. Carrie is a hypocrite because the only queerness she approves of is the one in the form of her fashionable gay best friend. She’s okay with queer people as long as they are not her love interests.
However, there is a spark of hope - the same people that created Carrie’s attitude towards bisexuality, created Sean’s patience and open-mindedness. It’ seems like they (or at least a part of the screen writing team) understand the need for a more accurate and non-stereotypical representation of bisexuals. Or do they? The end of the episode ruins Sean for me after he forces hesitant Carrie to kiss a woman during the game, a clear violation of consent.
Just to sum up, this post written after rewatching a series that is still close to my heart (especially in between writing academic essays):
Bisexuality is real, it does not mean being 50% straight 50% gay. Queers don’t do maths and sexuality is not about percentages.
Bisexuals are not greedy by default. Bisexuality does not mean that they want to be with everyone and that they are more likely to cheat.
90s shows can still be your guilty pleasure. Just do not take them at face value and understand what is problematic about them.
All the queerest,
Olga
she/her